ASK FIVE HUSBANDS

I make mistakes so you don’t have to.

The Five Husbands Experience (TM) spans 36 years and includes in no particular order:

one Catholic wedding, two Jewish Weddings, one Sufi wedding and one Pagan wedding;

three spring weddings, one summer wedding (and golf outing) and one outdoor evening wedding in the snow (10 ° F);

one white wedding gown, one off white wedding dress, one pink wedding gown, one black silk trouser tunic outfit and one winter coat with mittens;

two disapproving mothers-in law; two disapproving fathers-in-law, two backstabbing abusive sisters-in-law, and a collection of various dysfunctional in-law relationships;

one Atwood Lodge honeymoon, one Pocono honeymoon, one Canadian honeymoon and two lets just go home no honeymoons;

one twin, two geniuses, two abusers, one nice but fatally flawed human being, one alcoholic and one recovering heroin addict;

three engagement rings, five wedding bands and one embarrassingly awful after the fact diamond;

two lawyers, one teacher, one machinist, one plant manager and one Viet Nam Vet;

one BA, one MA and one JD – all mine;

two children – one who hasn’t seen his father for over 20 years and another who sees his dad all the time (it makes a difference);

three dissolutions and two contested divorces;

fourteen different homes;

brown hair, blond hair, brown hair, blond hair and gray hair;

buckets of tears, two terrible heartbreaks, boatloads of laughter and unfathomable joy;

all things measured equally – priceless.

Why an advice column?

I was doing a cover letter the other day when it occurred to me- I have incredible life experience, as well as a boatload of education. In accumulating all this education, marriage and child rearing experience I probably made every mistake in the book. When it comes to relationships, money, career and family there aren’t many challenges I haven’t faced. I may not have done the right thing or the best thing at the time, but I survived to tell the tales.

In the interest of public service I have decided to debut “ASK FIVE HUSBANDS” (TM) a totally unique advice column. Let’s face it Abby and Ann are a little behind the times – Ask Five Husbands (TM) is Web 2.0 savvy, available 24/7 and here to help.

Are you facing some major life issues? Need advice because your mother in law is driving you crazy and your kids have you pulling your hair out? I am only a click away.

Email your questions to: fivehusbands @ gmail.com or head on over to Ask Five Husbands to post your question in a comment. Questions submitted, and answers, will be posted on Ask Five Husbands.

Disclaimer: Ask Five Husbands is not a substitute for real advice from a doctor, lawyer, pastor, rabbi or your mother. All information contained herein is for entertainment purposes and general information only.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jan
    Jun 20, 2008 @ 13:52:50

    What’s the best course of action when you realize, two weeks after saying “I do”, that you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life? 😮

    Good question Jan – and one I know the answer to because this is a mistake I made at least once if not three times.

    LEAVE!

    Get out as fast as your legs can carry you. Don’t worry where you will go – head to a friend or family member’s house and call a divorce lawyer ASAP.

    This is especially important if you have children, as you and I both know all too well.

    If you don’t leave immediately it takes on average about 3 to 5 years (based on a Five Husbands Experience (TM) statistical analysis) of pure unadulterated misery before you will be forced to do what you should have done in the first place.

    Don’t worry about embarrassment – chances are your friends and family already are talking behind your back about what a loser he is and questioning your sanity. Remember Britney Spears, Dennis Rodman, Carmen Electra, Liz Taylor, Renee Zellwiger and Cher paved the way for your quick retreat. Follow their example; except in Britney’s case – only follow her example as to her quickie Vegas marriage/divorce.

    Also – before you leave send him somewhere on an errand and pack up all your things – including your wedding gifts and money. After you leave don’t take his calls, don’t take his mother’s calls, don’t take your mother’s calls unless she is offering you money to divorce him.

    You have nothing to win by staying and everything to lose.

    Reply

  2. eac
    Jul 08, 2008 @ 19:57:45

    Oh how I want to ask you so much…but can’t (not yet anyway). Thanks for giving us all additional insight into who you are … the more I read the more I think you are fab! 🙂

    Reply

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