After many failed marriages I begin again, not with a marriage, but with a relationship that transcended all the marriages and relationships. A relationship based upon 20 years of unvarnished truth. A relationship, that although lovely, is stripped of the pretty illusions of happily ever after.
But first a story.
My little mother is living with dementia. She lived with me for almost two years until seizures, a serious fall and cdiff stressed her already frail body. She resides now in a residential facility that offers what few, if any, nursing homes offer – true community.
More on that later.
I sit with my mom many evenings and answer questions about her life. Long stretches of family memory have vanished. Most of her memory of my life is gone. To everyone she beams and says “this is my daughter.” I can do no wrong. I am her protector and her joy. This is a blessing for me, a chance to make up for the heartache and worry my life choices caused her tender heart.
One evening she asked me “are you married?”
“Mommy I have been married before and it never worked out.”
“Yes really. Mommy do you know how many times I have been married?”
“No, how many?”
Silence for a moment.
“No, you’re kidding.”
“No, really five times.”
She then turns to her best friend Evelyn and says “can you believe she has been married five times?”
Evelyn, who has been married over 70 years says to me …
“What’s wrong with you?”
Food for thought.
Why did I always leave instead of stay and work through situations that developed, in part, from my issues.
Abandon or be abandoned.
Now, I am committed to staying the course, which at this late stage of the more likely includes illness, infirmity, wrinkles and death.