Why I Need A Wife

My need for a wife became evident during law school and the early years of my practice when I juggled marriage, an infant with separation anxiety, a child with learning disabilities, meddlesome in-laws, a mother who would always comment “I don’t see why you have to be at the office so much,” a boss who told everyone I worked part time because he let me work on a flexible schedule and my requirement to bill 2600 hours annually.

WARNING – you may want to pick up some cheese before you read further …

I have been miserable the past 3 days – I caught some sort of cold chest cough thing which has me feeling downright awful. Add to that the following – I still haven’t found a job (it’s been 8 months), my birthday is this week and I am not having one of those shiny everyone gather round it is an important birthday, I just got over a back spasm that lasted 3 weeks and my little mom is fading away by inches so you can imagine I am feeling pretty low.

For all your LOA folks out there I try to stay positive, I really do, but this year has been one challenge after another. On one hand I have had the time to write, but to quote Tevye, on the other hand, the stress of not having paying work causes so much stress that the funny quirky stories that used to flow through my head have trickled to a halt.

This morning I woke up on the couch after a mostly sleepless night. I got Son No. 2 (today aka the Prince) up for work and made myself a cup of tea. I really wanted chicken soup but simply felt to crappy to drive anywhere to buy it. I settled for peanut butter on toast for breakfast. Lunchtime rolled around and I decided to shower and trek out to Whole Foods. That plan failed when I stood up and got too dizzy to take a shower. So it was cough drops, tea and cheerios for lunch.

I could weep.

If I had had the sense to get a wife all those years ago not only would I have a bowl of steaming hot home made matzoh ball soup, my house would be spotless, the laundry would be done and the tar the Prince tracked in from the newly seal coated driveway would be cleaned up.

A woman's place is in the kitchen

A woman's place is in the kitchen

No doubt she would also make sure I had my favorite pajamas clean and fluffed while she brought me my favorite books all the while gently soothing my bruised unemployed ego and assuaging my worries about not getting any resumes sent out today.

She would tell the Prince to bring the old air conditioner downstairs to the tree lawn for pick up (the one I have begged him to bring down for the past um 8 weeks), she would take Son No. 1 chicken soup (because he caught what I have) and take his kids to the movie, or even better, out to buy me a birthday present.

Oh and she would be planning a small low key, but very elegant, birthday party for me.

And I wouldn’t have to do a thing.

My desire is apparently based somewhere in my psyche. I visited Ads by Mike to have my browser history analyzed and based upon my web habits it seems that there is a strong possibility I am actually male.

Mike On Ads says

Likelihood of you being FEMALE is 35%
Likelihood of you being MALE is 65%

I should have known.


10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Becky
    Aug 11, 2008 @ 13:15:45


    I need a wife too. Hope things look up for you soon, fivehusbands.

    Did you take the quiz? – Would love to see everyone’s results.


  2. jill
    Aug 11, 2008 @ 15:25:19

    wow, I feel your pain, I have often told my husband that I need a wife, we do it all, even when we are sick. I hope things get better soon.

    Thank you for stopping by and commenting – I’ve just been to visit your site. Lovely – and such beautiful memories of your daughter.


  3. bluesuit12
    Aug 12, 2008 @ 09:37:32

    Reading your entry made me want to cry for you because I can only imagine how terrible you’re feeling! It also made me want to clean your house, make you soup, and distract the kids. When things aren’t going well it’s bad enough but compound it with feeling sick and it’s just that much worse. I really hope you get over your cold and things start looking up for you. By the way, I took the quiz and my results were: 93% female 7% male.

    Blue – being sick when you are the one who takes care of things is tough – and not being able to sleep makes me cranky. I am thrilled and delighted that you want to come clean my house! Sigh – if only the commute wasn’t prohibitive. I appreciate your kind thoughts.

    And thanks for sharing your quiz results – no we have to get Pammy’s.


  4. soupisnotafingerfood
    Aug 12, 2008 @ 12:11:21

    I wrote about the same thing a few months ago. Life is overwhelming and who ends up taking care of Momma??

    Thanks for stopping by – I am heading over to read your post right now – even though I noticed you are Steeler’s Fan. Just kidding – I love Pittsburgh.


  5. soupisnotafingerfood
    Aug 12, 2008 @ 20:53:05

    What? “Even though?” Harumph, don’t do me any favors!! KIDDING. As long as it’s all NFL, it’s all good. I have a soft spot in my heart for the Packers, too, does that help? 😉

    I have a soft spot for Pittsburgh – and love Terry Bradshaw. I got to see the Chilhuly exhibit at the Phipps last fall – it was amazing. Didn’t make it back to see it in the evening which I was told was amazing!


  6. mediaChick
    Aug 12, 2008 @ 22:33:22

    Likelihood of you being FEMALE is 54%
    Likelihood of you being MALE is 46%

    Being positive is over rated. You should bitch and moan and alienate everyone who loves you. Yeah, right. You know what I say…”we just go on.”

    Hang in there sweets!

    And so I shall – but my fingers are getting mighty tired. And the alienate thing – yeah – I do that pretty well.


  7. pamajama
    Aug 12, 2008 @ 23:42:15

    I am exactly 50/50. It works well with my Gemini nature! I have always felt like I have a lot of masculine tendencies. Whether that’s good or bad, it works for me:)

    Like all that stuff you mentioned — I’ve always been surprised that more women didn’t end up living together & raising children together, since it would be so much more convenient than the “normal” way.

    I thought I’d mention, on that site that gave out this 50/50 designation there’s an ad entitled “Asian Girls For Love & Marriage.” LOL

    I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well & all the rest. I just can’t imagine that no one has snapped you up on the hiring market. They’re all idiots!

    And of course I want to say, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” If you send me your address I’ll put a box of Ring Dings in the mail with a candle:)

    Ring dings and a candle – how can I pass that up!


  8. Teena in Toronto
    Aug 13, 2008 @ 08:36:00

    I did this this week too:

    Here are my results:

    Likelihood of you being FEMALE is 34%
    Likelihood of you being MALE is 66%


  9. Trackback: Casual Friday — August 15th, 2008 - Cornered Office - Work It, Mom!
  10. compulsivewriter
    Aug 16, 2008 @ 04:25:08

    my sympathies are with you….

    Thank you for stopping by and commenting – I am on the mend sitting here drinking my morning tea.


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