Husband Number 5

Otherwise known as the “What Was I Thinking!” marriage complete with an eerie theme song - from Morrissey - November Spawned a Monster

Husband Number 5: ME/_ years

How We Met

Even though Husband No. 5 looked like an urbane Elmer Fudd, over time I came to realize that his his round and slightly aging face hid a very dark past.

We met the first time at Starbucks, by arrangement, on a Saturday afternoon. He was neatly, if unremarkably, dressed. Very thin, balding but with a sweet face. He was charming in a slightly goofy kind of way. I had been divorced from Husband No. 4 for about 6 months and had dated a few men. One was older, wealthy, possessive - and that was after only one date. One was a professor, newly divorced with children the same age as my youngest son. He didn’t have enough scars to keep my attention. One was an expert craftsman who had reacted to his divorce by taking all his ex’s possessions, loading them into a back hoe and dumping them in a ravine. Too scary, even for me.

Back to Starbucks - he was late - he was always late. That was his trademark. Unless he was doing something he wanted to do - he could not get out of the house until mid to late afternoon. I was seated drinking iced tea. He didn’t notice me. This was not unusual, I have a gift for blending in. I watched, fascinated, as he asked a few other women if they were me. The women he picked out looked nothing like me - he had seen my picture. Interesting.

He ultimately noticed me, came over and laughed about being late. He showed me his titanium glasses, which I thought was odd, and talked about his work. He was a machinist - worked for a big company. He said he had gone to college for a couple of semesters, dropped out and worked. He seemed bright, well informed about a lot about of different things. He told me he had been divorced for over ten years - no children, both parents dead. He had a sister, highly educated, and a niece and nephew.

He said they were close.

He worked second shift. This presented somewhat of an obstacle to our relationship. Being a professional, I worked days. He wanted to talk during the day, but I was at work. I was asleep by the time he got off work. He took me out on weekends and sometimes came over after work. I started staying up later. As I got to know him, little by little, I liked him more and more. Red flags that should have popped up did not. There was something about him that felt like home.

He told me he walked everyday for miles. As I sit here now, I wonder if he still does since he has moved to a less savory part of town. But I digress. He told me he was in AA - recovering from a “rock and roll” past. I had a hard time believing that this middle aged bald guy had any kind of a past, let alone a rock n’ rollin one.

The High Point:

After four marriages I didn’t have very high expectations for happiness. And Husband No. 5 didn’t disappoint in that arena - there were very few high points. He was, at times, a good companion, someone to spend time with. At all times he was fabulously cheap. We say of Husband No. 3, when he opens his wallet moths fly out; of No. 5 we say, when he opens his wallet the skeletons of moths fly out.

The Low Point(s):

The low points were inevitable given his history and mine. Remember how I get sucked into stories? Well No. 5 had, hands down, the most tragic and compelling story of all he Five Husband Experience. He had alluded to his rock and roll past over the course of our first few dates, and, as it turns out, he had one hell of a past, only it had nothing to with rock and roll.

We had been dating about a month when he, again referred to his past and AA. I asked him about being an alcoholic; he said alcohol wasn’t the issue. It was drugs. I remember we were driving in the car, I asked “what was your drug of choice?”

He answered “heroin.”

Silence. Dumbfounded silence. My body went cold. This was not in my realm of experience. He went on to say that he had been sober for over 10 years and that he actively worked the 12 step AA program to stay that way.

Breaking Points

There were many; the whole relationship was a series of breaking points. I think he expected me to be a dutiful wife in the way of a typical blue collar household. He punched a clock and never regarded my work as real work. If I had earned more money I suspect he would have had a different attitude but maybe not.

I was diagnosed with heart disease. Apparently I had had a heart attack without knowing it. This is not uncommon for a woman. One evening on my way to work I developed pretty severe chest pains. I went into an urgent care. Given my history I was put in an ambulance and taken to the nearest ER. He came to the hospital but spent most of the time talking to the nurses and doctors about when his father had been there and how much building had gone on since then. There was no sense of concern for me.

I was admitted for more tests. I was scheduled to be released the day before Thanksgiving; he came to see me while I was having my heart ultrasound. I asked him for his debit/credit card to so I could buy my meds when I was released that night since, on Thursday, everything would be closed. He first said he didn’t have it with him; I said “tell me where it is at home.” He said he didn’t know where it was. The nurse was listening and I was getting embarrassed. I pleaded with him - he threw the card on the bed and walked out of the room.