Who is Five Husbands?
The Husband Chair, marker 2006
Why the Chair?
Yes, there really is a husband chair. My first husband was a Viet Nam vet attending college on the GI bill when we met. He lived in a ramshackle house near the local university with a cast of characters straight out of a Hunter S. Thompson novel, including “Hono,” a guitar playing, unwashed hippie who lived in the closet, subsisted on a mixture of tang and corn meal and who thought he was Jesus. In the living room of the house was a chair which had belonged to Husband No.1′s parents. That chair stayed with me after our divorce and the 30 or so moves that brought me to today. Every husband sat in the chair. I gave it away when I married No. 5. I think it is time to get it back.
I make mistakes so you don’t have to.
The Five Husbands Experience (TM) spans 36 years and includes in no particular order:
one Catholic wedding, two Jewish Weddings, one Sufi wedding and one Pagan wedding;
three spring weddings, one summer wedding (and golf outing) and one outdoor evening wedding in the snow (10 ° F);
one white wedding gown, one off white wedding dress, one pink wedding gown, one black silk trouser tunic outfit and one winter coat with mittens;
two disapproving mothers-in law; two disapproving fathers-in-law, two backstabbing abusive sisters-in-law, and a collection of various dysfunctional in-law relationships;
one Atwood Lodge honeymoon, one Pocono honeymoon, one Canadian honeymoon and two lets just go home no honeymoons;
one twin, two geniuses, two abusers, one nice but fatally flawed human being, one alcoholic and one recovering heroin addict;
three engagement rings, five wedding bands and one embarrassingly awful after the fact diamond;
two lawyers, one teacher, one machinist, one plant manager and one Viet Nam Vet;
one BA, one MA and one JD – all mine;
two children – one who hasn’t seen his father for over 20 years and another who sees his dad all the time (it makes a difference);
three dissolutions and two contested divorces;
fourteen different homes;
brown hair, blond hair, brown hair, blond hair and gray hair;
buckets of tears, two terrible heartbreaks, boatloads of laughter and unfathomable joy;
all things measured equally – priceless.
Why an advice column?
I was doing a cover letter the other day when it occurred to me- I have incredible life experience, as well as a boatload of education. In accumulating all this education, marriage and child rearing experience I probably made every mistake in the book. When it comes to relationships, money, career and family there aren’t many challenges I haven’t faced. I may not have done the right thing or the best thing at the time, but I survived to tell the tales.
In the interest of public service I have decided to debut “ASK FIVE HUSBANDS” (TM) a totally unique advice column. Let’s face it Abby and Ann are a little behind the times – Ask Five Husbands (TM) is Web 2.0 savvy, available 24/7 and here to help.
Are you facing some major life issues? Need advice because your mother in law is driving you crazy and your kids have you pulling your hair out? I am only a click away.
Email your questions to: fivehusbands @ gmail.com or post your question in a comment. Questions submitted, and answers, will be posted on Ask Five Husbands.
Disclaimer: This advice column is not a substitute for real advice from a doctor, lawyer, pastor, rabbi or your mother. All information contained herein is for entertainment purposes and general information only.