Why I Need A Wife

My need for a wife became evident during law school and the early years of my practice when I juggled marriage, an infant with separation anxiety, a child with learning disabilities, meddlesome in-laws, a mother who would always comment “I don’t see why you have to be at the office so much,” a boss who told everyone I worked part time because he let me work on a flexible schedule and my requirement to bill 2600 hours annually.

WARNING – you may want to pick up some cheese before you read further …

I have been miserable the past 3 days – I caught some sort of cold chest cough thing which has me feeling downright awful. Add to that the following – I still haven’t found a job (it’s been 8 months), my birthday is this week and I am not having one of those shiny everyone gather round it is an important birthday, I just got over a back spasm that lasted 3 weeks and my little mom is fading away by inches so you can imagine I am feeling pretty low.

For all your LOA folks out there I try to stay positive, I really do, but this year has been one challenge after another. On one hand I have had the time to write, but to quote Tevye, on the other hand, the stress of not having paying work causes so much stress that the funny quirky stories that used to flow through my head have trickled to a halt.

This morning I woke up on the couch after a mostly sleepless night. I got Son No. 2 (today aka the Prince) up for work and made myself a cup of tea. I really wanted chicken soup but simply felt to crappy to drive anywhere to buy it. I settled for peanut butter on toast for breakfast. Lunchtime rolled around and I decided to shower and trek out to Whole Foods. That plan failed when I stood up and got too dizzy to take a shower. So it was cough drops, tea and cheerios for lunch.

I could weep.

If I had had the sense to get a wife all those years ago not only would I have a bowl of steaming hot home made matzoh ball soup, my house would be spotless, the laundry would be done and the tar the Prince tracked in from the newly seal coated driveway would be cleaned up.

A woman's place is in the kitchen

No doubt she would also make sure I had my favorite pajamas clean and fluffed while she brought me my favorite books all the while gently soothing my bruised unemployed ego and assuaging my worries about not getting any resumes sent out today.

She would tell the Prince to bring the old air conditioner downstairs to the tree lawn for pick up (the one I have begged him to bring down for the past um 8 weeks), she would take Son No. 1 chicken soup (because he caught what I have) and take his kids to the movie, or even better, out to buy me a birthday present.

Oh and she would be planning a small low key, but very elegant, birthday party for me.

And I wouldn’t have to do a thing.

My desire is apparently based somewhere in my psyche. I visited Ads by Mike to have my browser history analyzed and based upon my web habits it seems that there is a strong possibility I am actually male.

Mike On Ads says

Likelihood of you being FEMALE is 35%
Likelihood of you being MALE is 65%

I should have known.